Creating Order
WARNING: If you have ever held the belief that I am perfect, or that I have it all together all the time, this little piece today will totally release you from that. Do enjoy!
Today I came home from my weekly handwork time with mothers and grandmothers. I was out in the lush springtime in our yard, delighting in it all, and then stepped into my home and everything came to a screeching halt. It was a mess. Mess everywhere, actually. Breakfast dishes that I hadn’t been able to wash before heading out. Yesterday’s clothes all over the bathroom floor. Stacks of files to put away. Clean laundry in a jumbled pile in a basket. Ants that have invaded our refrigerator, jumping in and out as I opened the door. And legos. Legos and legos and legos. In our tiny open-concept house, even small messes make a big impact. And. I haven’t even told you about the situation in our barn.
Let me tell you: This is not how I prefer to live. I create order regularly. And… chaos just seems to happen in this season of motherhood.
As you may recall from my past writing, I like to write a letter to God/The Divine/Source most days. It always goes like this: What would you have me know today? A while back I got an answer that bowled me over. It was so clear (and so accurate):
There is too much chaos. Create more order for yourself, so that you can flow more fluidly.
So that you can stay open to what life asks of you.
So that you can receive all that life would love to give to you.
This morning, as I was kicking legos back into a pile, those precious words came back to me. “Right. More order… More order…” So I got the kitchen clean, laundry going, and paperwork filed. Then I went to town on the barn.
Here’s what happened next: Inner quiet and peace. The act of creating order was SO good for me. It soothed and organized my inner landscape so quickly. The act of tidying just felt so wonderful, because it was creating order in both my inner and outer worlds at the same time. This congruence (meaning: inner and outer worlds matching) is essential in life.
The other day I was beyond overwhelmed with motherhood, and so I excused myself and went outside. (Mamas, you know this moment I’m talking about.) Once outside, I let out a blood-curdling scream that echoed through the forest. (I considered emailing the neighbors to reassure them that all was okay. Just me blowing off steam!) Anyway, once I’d got myself back together, I went inside and explained it all to my son. We ended up curling up on the couch talking about overwhelm, when another story came back to me:
When he was a baby, on one particularly hard day, I was just beside myself. I got my son down for a nap, and was in the kitchen washing dishes when something happened. Maybe the cat meowed and pawed at me. I don’t really know what set me off, but faster than I could think, I grabbed the metal bowl that held kitchen scraps (destined for the compost) and hurled it against the kitchen wall. I stopped and blinked in awe and surprise. What just happened? In front of me, our wall was now covered with coffee grounds, carrot peelings, avocado skins, etc.. Utter unbelievable mess. But as I stood there, I smiled and laughed. I felt triumphant. “There!” I said to myself. “Now my insides and my outsides match!”. It was a stunning realization that congruence between the inner and outer worlds creates some kind of peace, even when both are an utter mess. In that moment of clarity, and in that moment of congruence, I returned to myself. (It was kind of like when you are hydroplaning, you regain control of the car when you turn into the slide.) I regained my center, and joyfully cleaned up the mess I’d made, creating a new congruence in which my insides and outsides were more and more clean, organized, ordered and peaceful. It was fascinating and wonderful.
Since then, I have often welcomed moments of messy chaos (when they mirror my inner landscape). Once in congruence (inner and outer worlds are a match in the chaos realm), I can then steer myself back toward order. A big messy kitchen that matches my inner turmoil becomes an opportunity to clean and scrub with my hands… while lovingly tending and quieting my turbulent mind. The result is a new inner and outer peacefulness and calm.
Okay so why am I telling all of this to you, divulging some of the darker parts of myself? Because we all have them. These are some of mine. My beliefs around this are:
We all need to be clear that being human, especially being mothers, is messy and wildly uncomfortable beyond imagining.
We need to talk about this (and laugh about this) so much more than we do.
This idea of creating order, and creating congruence… I think it is important. Perhaps you have discovered this for yourself already, or perhaps it’s all new. Either way, I think we can’t talk about it enough.
So…I invite you into some wonderings:
This congruence thing… having inner and outer landscapes match… whether orderly or messy… how is this happening in your life?
Would more order (in the outside landscape) benefit you? Or are you so ordered that a little bit of outer mess might actually work its medicinal magic in your life?
Are your insides and outsides matching in this moment? If yes, amazing. Enjoy! If not (and likely most of you would say no), what would be a step toward creating congruence? We often work so hard to create inner peace first. This is CHALLENGING and downright impossible sometimes. Would making a magical mess on the outside help you to attain congruence, like steering into the slide while hydroplaning? And then from there, you might just return to yourself, allowing you to create a new inner and outer congruence marked by order and peace.
I’d love to know your thoughts on this. Please reach out if this resonates!
In deep gratitude for everything in this sweet life,
Rebecca
* Disclaimer: This likely goes without saying, but I'll say it anyway: Everything I write is for educational purposes only. Nothing I write or share can be deemed diagnostic or medical advice. Nothing I write or share can replace your own healthcare providers or your own internal knowing and wisdom. Period. Please seek tailored medical care and advice via your skilled healthcare team whenever you need it.
