Wisdom Keepers

Hello Dear Ones!

So many of you have reached out to me about last week’s writing.  It has led to beautiful conversations about winter, about really tending to the universal need to become quiet and slow.  Winter is truly our hibernation season, the time to spend more hours in bed, the time to be more still and quiet. It provides more time to connect with yourself, to your beloved people, and to all that matters in your life.

I am home, in my favorite writing spot:  curled up on the couch, a long bank of windows overlooking our gardens and meadow and forest to my left. The lights are off, the woodstove is cranking out heat.  Our kitty is seated right in front of the fire, heating her black fur.  It feels super quiet and still right now. And. Our house is a lived-in mess.  New ice skates on the floor, my bookkeeping on the coffee table.  Dishes to wash by the sink. Bits and pieces of our lives are strewn here and there.  The floor seriously needs to be vacuumed. My phone keeps pinging with texts.

Not long ago, this would have seriously unnerved me.  I get overwhelmed in messes and chaos and busyness. Perpetual tidying is a coping mechanism of mine, especially since I became a mother.  Sound familiar? Anyway, I am seeing all of this “stuff of life” everywhere, and just kind of loving it.  It’s now becoming evidence of a life well-lived rather than a source of overwhelm.  I’ll tell you why.

I have come to recognize a deep inner well of resource that I have (that we all have), and it has made a profound change in my life.  With this resource in place, everything else is less important.  The messes don’t bother me so much.  The imperfections in everything start to just look like evidence of real human living. The “stuff of life” around me shows that we are living life well, that we are rich with vibrant and joyful living. That we have created a real and true and beautiful life.

So here is what I have found:  Wisdom.  I started writing letters to my Wise 65 year-old Rebecca Self. The woman who has had decades of living and loving and hurting and healing, decades of serving and receiving. This woman is someone who knows me more intimately than anyone else ever could. She is our/my living story.  She has a wider view, a broader landscape than I do.  And I need her to guide me, every day sometimes.

I started out by just sitting quietly and asking her to guide me.  Journal in hand, I wrote out the words, “Dear Wise 65 year-old Rebecca, please guide me”. And then I waited, eyes closed, body still. My mind was as quiet as I could get it, but please know my sweet academic and artistic and ADHD brain is basically never quiet. I waited and then words came.  I wrote it all as she said it inside of me. And she waited patiently while I caught up in my writing.  She is wise, she is kind, and she is firm. (When I do this inner work, I always ask that I be surprised by the advice given- how else will I know this is legit, right?)  Anyway, she knows I want this, and so she does always surprise me somewhere in her advice.

On that day, which was January 1st, I was brought to tears by how clear and kind and directive she was.  “This is who you are.  This is what you do. This is how you do it,” she said.  I think the tears were mostly because for my entire life I’ve assumed that the wisdom in my life should come from others outside of me (Why? I have no idea).  Over the years I have questioned this assumption, and it has led me incrementally to this experience of deriving the most clear and precious wisdom from within me.

A dear woman in my community recently taught me the indigenous concept of Circular Time, in which the past, present and future are all happening at once.  The ancestors, the present day people, the future children are all here now. It’s all happening now. This helps me to understand that just like my sweet inner child lives within me (in all of her ages and iterations), so do all the versions of my older and wiser self.

I think I chose my inner wise 65 year old to connect with because she is still likely in her prime professional years.  She may still be actively mothering (her young adult child).  And maybe because she is about as far as I can see into my own future.

I’ve returned to her many times in the last two weeks. Sometimes I write to her telling about what is happening, all the love, the hurt, the worry, the wondering.  I tell her about my inner turmoil, and the inner beauty that is blooming within.  I tell her everything about this very human life that I lead.  And then I ask her to weigh in on the struggles. What now? What should I do?  Please guide me.  And she always does.  She always shows up in ways that astonish me, that bring me to my knees, and that make me see my own past so clearly that decades of confusion transform into decades of inner work that deserve my love and pride.

Wise counsel from 65 year-old Rebecca shows me that I have handmade a life that I adore.  Truly.  I have unraveled old ways of living and serving and loving and working, and I am now rebuilding a life that truly is mine.   It is remarkable to live this life, and I think I might not have really noticed without her specifically pointing it out to me.

I now feel that being in dialogue with my Inner Wise Woman means that all is fine.  The challenges and uncertainties of living a real human life will ebb and flow.  I have this inner resource that supports and guides me like a beacon of love and light.

What I love about this too is that truly, this is me guiding myself.  Yes, this Inner Wise Woman has two decades of life experience on me, two more decades of growth to draw on.  But when it comes down to it, this is me guiding myself.  This is not about the outside world having any authority in my life. This is not about seeking answers outside of myself. This is the radical and powerful move of trusting myself so deeply that there is no truth greater than what I hear and think and feel on the inside.

So now I look around my home, my life, and I giggle. I figure that everything is actually okay.  Or it will be okay.  What in life isn’t navigable when I have an Inner Wise Woman providing counsel every second of my life?  I’m going to have all the ups and downs, all the love and the hurt, and probably a lot of ruminating and worrying (knowing me)…  and I’ll have this inner deep resource to lean into whenever I need it. This makes the journey of life into something beautiful to experience. It puts everything into the perspective that everything is actually okay. The timing of everything is exactly right.  The wounds are a beckoning toward healing.  The love is to be received, savored, reciprocated, and shared.

And so I wonder if you’d like to try this.  I believe this kind of inner wise counsel, inner wise leadership, is available to each of us. Every second, every day.  Would you like to try? 

Find paper and something to write with.  I am going to strongly recommend not using a computer or other device.  We use a different, more connected, and creative part of our brain when we work with an actual piece of paper and pencil/pen.

Sit quietly and comfortably. Maybe turn on some very quiet and relaxing music. (I love the group Voces8 for this, but see what works for you).  When you think you have found a place inside of you that is a bit quiet and still, ask your question:

Dear Wise____________ (pick an age, a name, whatever helps you conceptualize an older wiser version of yourself).

            What would you have me know today?

            Here is what is happening in my life right now.  Look at this crazy or upsetting mess. Would you please guide me?

            What should I do next?

If it doesn’t come at first, no worries. This is a practice and a relationship that you are cultivating. This is very deep inner work. There is no failing in this. There only re-attempting connection, and staying open.

I am so excited for each of you to find this Wise Leader, this Wise Counsel within. 

We are all Wisdom Keepers.  (Wise people are to be revered, but not put up on some inaccessible pedestal). We all have this. We are all Wisdom Keepers.  As Wisdom Keepers, our main work is to counsel ourselves, to guide our own way through our own very beautiful (and often messy) lives. 

If you feel like it, tell me how this lands when you read it, and what your experience is.  You know I love hearing from you!

In deep gratitude for everything in this sweet life,

Rebecca

* Disclaimer: This likely goes without saying, but I'll say it anyway: Everything I write is for educational purposes only. Nothing I write or share can be deemed diagnostic or medical advice. Nothing I write or share can replace your own healthcare providers or your own internal knowing and wisdom. Period. Please seek tailored medical care and advice via your skilled healthcare team whenever you need it.