Emergence from the Chrysalis
Hello Dear Ones!
The last time I wrote, it was two months ago, and I was headed into what Tara Mohr calls Chrysalis Time. Time away to do inner work and then to return, changed. It has been a very busy autumn/Chrysalis Time so far. Life has been full of opportunities to bump into myself and notice again and again who I actually am.
So. It’s time to start writing again, and to share- bravely- some of what I have learned.
I was at a birthday party recently, and sat, gazing at my community, with a clear thought brewing: What is it to be authentically myself? What does it look like to show up as my truest self?
I have been deep in this inquiry for months, perhaps years: Who am I? What was I born to do? What gifts have been given to me, so that I might share them with the world? I wonder: Do you ever have these same questions?
My guess is, most of us do, to one degree or another.
So. Here are some of my answers. These have become more clear and more LOUD in the last two months. I will tell you who I am, even though this transparency is new for me. In our culture, which is so limiting, we are encouraged to define ourselves by being one finite, neatly-packaged thing. I can wholeheartedly say this is not who I am. I am a complex, multi-faceted being… as are you, I imagine.
So here I go:
I am an artist, a gardener, a writer, and a healer. I was raised in a family culture of living a handmade life- meaning we make, do, repair, create with our own hands as often as possible. You might call this a homesteading lifestyle. It’s sort of this, and also simply a shared value of applying creativity and capable hands to everything life brings. I have learned that a handmade life builds a meaningful life. This is embedded in every moment of my life.
And.
I am a mother to one wondrous child. His birth was significant in my life journey, and so I will share it. I gave birth, as a solo mama, prematurely, during an Alaskan blizzard. I then experienced extreme sleep deprivation (my baby slept 3-45 minutes at a time for the first 18 months of his life).
I continue to single-handedly parent a wonderful and neuro-different child. This is both the greatest joy and greatest challenge of my life.
And.
I am a highly sensitive empath. I feel everything around me more deeply than most. I see women deeply, I read their minds and their hearts. I seem to read trauma on people’s faces and in their body language. I rarely say this out loud, but when I sit with a person, and I am the professional offering wisdom/guidance…. if there is implicit permission… I can receive on behalf of the person in front of me. What I mean is, guidance flows through me about what needs to be said or done, the exact words, in the exact order and the proper cadence… to create a mindset shift for that person. Hand-tailored advice from the Great Mystery of Life flows through me for the person I am working with. It is exhilarating and very hard to explain. And I love every second of it. Some have said I am a Shaman, although I do not use this word to describe myself at this time.
And- I am so much more. I’ll keep unveiling over time.
For a long time I publicly defined myself simply as a midwife and integrative nurse practitioner who lived and worked in Alaska. This was my “brand” or public image, and it prevented others from really knowing me. I never talked about my love of sewing, knitting, fermenting, gardening and farming… or dancing to live bluegrass music. But quietly, these things sustained me behind the scenes. And- all along I have kept wondering, sometimes so gently I didn’t even hear my own thoughts: But who am I really? What am I here to do actually? There is more but I can’t define it yet. My inner life, for most of my life was filled with a balance of inner knowing laced with perfectionism, self-criticism and huge self-doubt.
My Chrysalis Time these last two months has solidly returned me to myself. I am now clear that my process in coming to live my truest self out-loud is exactly right, just as it has been. Perfect timing, every step of the way.
It is now time for me to return to regular writing/blogging. In the coming months I will be reworking the way I define myself publicly. You will see that I am “re-branding” toward Rebecca the person who has many things to offer, rather than Rebecca who is strictly a Midwife, Nurse Practitioner and Health Coach and who only writes to/about exhausted women. My writings and offerings will encompass so much more of who I am and what I have to give to the world.
Here is what I now know for each of us: The truth of who we are is the greatest gift we can give to the world, and the path to inner freedom. So I wonder:
In what way are you defining yourself as one “culture-friendly” thing, and limiting how you share yourself in the world?
What are you particularly skilled at? Are there many things that you are proud to be good at?
If you are open, reply to this email and tell me who you really truly are. I want to embrace, witness and celebrate you!
I am sending big love to each of you. We all need and deserve it, just as we are.
Mwah,
Rebecca
