Radical Self Care
Hello Dear Ones!
Gosh, it feels wonderful to sink back into writing to you. It has been a very busy month, and this return to writing is delicious.
Years ago, I remember sitting with a patient in my medical clinic. She was telling me that she’d shifted into a new phase in her life and was practicing Radical Self Care. I’d never heard of it and was intrigued. She went on to describe it to me. I can’t recall any of the specific things she was doing, but I remember with my being what it all meant: Deeply prioritizing herself. She was a mama, a wife, a very busy professional, and a community activist. She had such a busy life. And the day came that she had to stand firmly in tending herself before showing up in any of her roles. I remember being enchanted with this idea, and also really just had no idea how to apply this to my own life.
Now, I have begun. As a solo mama with multiple businesses, the time has absolutely come to tend myself more deeply with reverence and with fierce boundaries.
Perhaps each of us resonates with this idea, in our own way. What do we need? What crosses our boundaries? Where can we claim ourselves, and our greatest wellbeing, instead of giving and doing and serving?
As women, we can easily override our wellbeing. We are trained to from very early on. We are taught that service to others is the most virtuous thing to do. Being a good woman means we give endlessly. But here’s the thing. What can we actually give once we’ve poured ourselves out until we are empty? Yes, be of service, absolutely. This is what we are born to do. However, tend yourself first. Fill yourself up until your cup is running over. Use the “running over” part for service, not the part that is inside the cup.
I’ve been working on this idea for YEARS. Trying to get my head around it, and little by little I’ve been figuring it out. Now, I am deep in this work of filling myself up. I realize that finally, I am practicing Radical Self Care. From inside this place, I see that it is a perpetual practice. The features of it will change as I grow. I’ll explain.
The heart of Radical Self Care is attuning to (listening to) yourself. It’s that simple. Listening to the whispers inside yourself when they say: I am hungry. I need to move my body. I am tired. I would love _____. This doesn’t feel good to me. As we listen, we can respond with “Oh yes Darling. I hear you.” And then we take whatever action is needed.
In practicing Radical Self Care, here are some things that I am hearing as a whisper, and then acting on:
* I am deeply listening to myself, tuning into the whispers I hear.
* I am feeling my feelings more deeply, welcoming them as true, useful and worth honoring.
* I am moving my body as often as it asks (which is very often). Most mornings I do yoga on the porch and take a long walk. Between meetings it might be a quick stretch or walk around my yard. Evenings I am out in the yard, in the garden, reveling in the nighttime sky, weeding, listening to the wildlife, just tuning into life outside and inside my body.
* I am working on re-homing our cat, who has needs higher than I can honestly meet. She is lovely, and yet adds more stress to my life than I am willing to allow.
* I stop engaging with screens (except maybe a quick text) by dinner time. Wifi off. Computer tucked in my office. No screen time starting around 5:00. No phone calls, nothing. I am in my family time and rest time, and I don’t compromise it.
* I am saying “no” to as many things as I can when I hear a whisper that I’m not into it. I am saying “yes” to as many things as I can when I hear that I would love them.
So here are some questions to ponder this week:
When you quiet yourself enough to hear them, what are the whispers inside of you saying?
What do you need?
What crosses your boundaries?
Where can you claim your own needs before of automatically giving and doing and serving?
What would you love to do/experience (because it fills you up)?
In deep gratitude for everything in this sweet life,
Rebecca
* Disclaimer: This likely goes without saying, but I'll say it anyway: Everything I write is for educational purposes only. Nothing I write or share can be deemed diagnostic or medical advice. Nothing I write or share can replace your own healthcare providers or your own internal knowing and wisdom. Period. Please seek tailored medical care and advice via your skilled healthcare team whenever you need it.
