The Inner Landscape of Autumn
Hello All!
Today is a day of not feeling wise or full of any answers. Today is all about wonderings, questions, and even some turmoil. Just thought I’d let you know!
The Autumn Equinox is nearly upon us. These are last days of late summer, and I am reveling in them. Sort of. And grieving. And fighting inside of myself.
In last week’s email I dropped a big bunch of words: awakening, perimenopause, rage, anxiety, transformation…. It has been a really big summer for me, and I am so grateful. These big powerful words could each lead into a story of its own. Oh the stories I could tell, and oh how much I have learned and grown! But honestly, I don’t have it in me today to talk in detail about any of it just now.
Today I am home, resting. It’s been a really big week, and I’m stewing. There is swirling angst inside of me. I couldn’t sleep last night. The full moon was too bright, the crickets too loud. Then our cat brought a mouse in and was chasing it everywhere. Rough night. In the midst of it all, I wanted to fling myself into the car and drive out to the ocean. My motherland. Cape Cod. The place that always holds and soothes me.
This inner stewing tells me something is up. As I sit with it, I am congratulating myself for noticing. For taking a pause in the swirl of thoughts and feelings, long enough to hear that something needs my attention.
The shifting from summer to autumn is for most of us the hardest seasonal shift of the year. If you’ve been with me for a while, you’ll have heard me say this every year. It bears repeating (I need to remind myself every year). This shift has us leaving the “arms-wide-open” gesture in life, and moving into the “turning-inward-toward-ourselves” gesture. Honestly, I really resist this one. I am all for doing inner work, but this big seasonal shift tends to make me want to kick and scream.
Today I really saw how the leaves are turning colors, that a few trees have now fully lost their leaves…. And it spiraled me into grief and anxiety. Well, and a few choice salty words.
I can feel within myself: I don’t want to move into autumn. I don’t want to leave summer. (It almost feels like a pouting child who stamps her foot in rage).
So. Being an adult, and one who loves to do the inner work, I am taking notice. What needs my attention now? What about turning inward, what about days darkening and leaves falling is unravelling me? What is this inner resistance about?
I know that access to bright light and heat are essential to my wellbeing. I left my life in Alaska partly because of this. With the coming dark and cold, I am struggling. It’s as if essential nutrients are draining out of my grasp. I am realizing that I need to find ways to give sunshine and warmth to myself. This is essential.
And the inner work. Right. Autumn is truly a letting-go of so much. The plants and trees are going dormant (or truly dying). This season beckons us to take stock of what no longer serves us and find ways to release these (let them die). Then we can invite in what does in fact light us up, soothe us, nourish us, etc… A mentor of mine has regularly reminded me to write out what no longer serves me, and then literally burn that paper as a way of ritually letting it all go. This upcoming equinox (Sunday September 22nd) is the perfect moment in time create a release.
I wonder: What is this autumnal equinox/transition like for you?
Here are some questions to ask yourself this week:
How am I doing?
Is there something calling for my attention right now? Can I settle in and listen?
What needs to be done, even if it is simply an offering of kindness and gentleness?
What needs to be released that no longer serves me? How can I release these in a meaningful way?
And- what can I invite in, in place of what I released?
In deep gratitude for everything in this sweet life,
Rebecca
* Disclaimer: This likely goes without saying, but I'll say it anyway: Everything I write is for educational purposes only. Nothing I write or share can be deemed diagnostic or medical advice. Nothing I write or share can replace your own healthcare providers or your own internal knowing and wisdom. Period. Please seek tailored medical care and advice via your skilled healthcare team whenever you need it.
